Wedding Planner

preprinted thank-you notes

Question:

>As a guest you are not obliged to give the HC a gift

If you attend the wedding you ARE obligated to give a gift. Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

I’m sorry you are WRONG. You do not have to give a gift. Most people do because it is good manners but you do not have to. Normally when you are invited to a wedding you are close enough to the happy couple to WANT to buy them a present. Clare >As a guest you are not obliged to give the HC a gift > If you attend the wedding you ARE obligated to give a gift. > Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

>You do not have to give a gift.

Unless you ATTEND the wedding. Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

Sorry Ronny But you are wrong here.  Gifts are never forced.  If they were, they wouldn’t be called gifts.  Gifts are ALWAYS a choice.  yes, even if you attend the wedding. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->You do not have to give a gift. >Unless you ATTEND the wedding. >Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

>Gifts are never forced.  If they were, they >wouldn’t be called gifts.  Gifts are ALWAYS a choice.  yes, even if you >attend >the wedding.

You are SUPPOSED to give a gift if you attend a wedding. You’re a cheap loser if you don’t. Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

>I never heard that the gift is supposed to be the price of each "head".

Then you don’t know much. If they are paying $100 a person for a sit down dinner, you would look cheap as all get out to give the couple a $5 can opener. >The guest >should bring a gift, but if I knew that one of my guest could not afford the >assumed price and bought one anyway at that price, I would feel guilty.

The guest should feel guilty. The guest should have gone on the Alpo diet to afford a nice present or the guest should have declined the invitation but sent a lesser priced present. Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

As a guest you are not obliged to give the HC a gift and if you decide to it doesn’t mean you have to spend the cost of your meal. A guest is invited because the HC what them to be there on the day and NOT for the gift they may receive. The gift you choose to give should be the same if you attend the wedding or not. Clare >I never heard that the gift is supposed to be the price of each "head". > Then you don’t know much. If they are paying $100 a person for a sit down > dinner, you would look cheap as all get out to give the couple a $5 can opener. >The guest >should bring a gift, but if I knew that one of my guest could not afford the >assumed price and bought one anyway at that price, I would feel guilty. > The guest should feel guilty. The guest should have gone on the Alpo diet to > afford a nice present or the guest should have declined the invitation but sent > a lesser priced present. > Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

>My grandmother and mother always point out that if you can’t bother to >write the words "Thank You" for yourself, you don’t deserve to get >anything for which to thank someone.  :-)

They are correct, Deb. Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

Uh, why don’t you just insist that the guest bring more than what the brides parrents paid for each person. That way the father of the bride can MAKE some money. I never heard that the gift is supposed to be the price of each "head". The guest should bring a gift, but if I knew that one of my guest could not afford the assumed price and bought one anyway at that price, I would feel guilty. Besides where do you post the price of each "head"?  On the invitation? a sign at the door? I guess it could read: The cost of your attendance is $100 If your gift is worth less that $100 Please deposite the difference here. Thank You The Father of the bride. M- – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Of course, the preprinted thank-you note is the natural match for the HC >who insists that every gift be off the registry and chosen based on the >gift-giver’s income or number of family members attending the wedding >(no effort, no personalization on either side). > No, no, no, it has nothing to do with the guest’s income, Wende.  Each guest is > supposed to spend the same amount of money on the gift as the amount the > bride’s father spent per guest on the wedding celebration.  ;-)  And really, > cash is preferable to anything off the registry, because those things are going > to be exchanged for cash anyway, so that the happy couple can pay their rent, > and a truly courteous guest would just save the happy couple the trouble. > Holly > (tongue FIRMLY in cheek, just in case anyone wasn’t clear…)

Response:

>I agree with you that under normal circomstances a preprinted thank you is >tacky to say the least. However, when the bride and groom are taking an >extended honeymoon and will not have time to write personal thank yous right >away, a preprinted one is OK to use for right after the ceremony followed with >a personal note when they return from their 3 to 6 months  honeymoon.

This is called a gift acknowledgement. It is not a thank you note, not even a "pre-thank you note". The acknowledgment states that owing to the extended honeymoon of the couple, this letter is to acknowledge receipt of the gift and thank a proper letter of thanks will follow upon return. This is to be used *only* for gifts receive at or after the wedding. For gifts received prior to the wedding, it would be terribly rude to use acknowledgements. Hope this helps, Noe

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Of course, the preprinted thank-you note is the natural match for the HC >who insists that every gift be off the registry and chosen based on the >gift-giver’s income or number of family members attending the wedding >(no effort, no personalization on either side). > No, no, no, it has nothing to do with the guest’s income, Wende.  Each guest is > supposed to spend the same amount of money on the gift as the amount the > bride’s father spent per guest on the wedding celebration.  ;-)  And really, > cash is preferable to anything off the registry, because those things are going > to be exchanged for cash anyway, so that the happy couple can pay their rent, > and a truly courteous guest would just save the happy couple the trouble. > Holly > (tongue FIRMLY in cheek, just in case anyone wasn’t clear…)

And if there’s enough left over after the rent, a trip to Tahiti would be a nice way to start "the kids" off on their marriage, wouldn’t it….  8-) gloria p

Response:

>Of course, the preprinted thank-you note is the natural match for the HC >who insists that every gift be off the registry and chosen based on the >gift-giver’s income or number of family members attending the wedding >(no effort, no personalization on either side).

No, no, no, it has nothing to do with the guest’s income, Wende.  Each guest is supposed to spend the same amount of money on the gift as the amount the bride’s father spent per guest on the wedding celebration.  ;-)  And really, cash is preferable to anything off the registry, because those things are going to be exchanged for cash anyway, so that the happy couple can pay their rent, and a truly courteous guest would just save the happy couple the trouble. Holly (tongue FIRMLY in cheek, just in case anyone wasn’t clear…)

Response:

(HollyLewis) writes: >While notes that say "Thank you" as a design on the outside, but are blank >inside for a personally-written letter, are perfectly acceptable to those no >longer living in the dark ages, a preprinted "Dear ____, Thank you for the >______.  Love, _____" card is, in fact, tasteless, and no, this is not a >situation where different people may simply have different tastes.  It’s just >plain tasteless.

This is a little off-topic, but have you guys seen these Create-Your-Own-Love-Letter things on the net for Valentines Day?  You fill in your name, the name of the person to whom you’re sending the love letter, and then there are various sentiments that you can choose to include.  Talk about tasteless; coming up with someone else’s ideas for the person you love! Kim

Response:

> To make a short story long . . . > We figured the only way to identify the Happy Couple was to attend the wedding. > Turns out the groom was the grandson of the lady who was my Sweetie Pie’s nanny > while he was growing up.  How’s that for trying to pack the church?!  Sweetie > Pie is in his 50s, so it had been a while . . .  We met the grandson (aka, the > groom) at the nanny’s funeral a couple of years ago.

JEEEEEAAAAANNNNNE!!!! This has got to be one for Etiquette Hell. I can hear the conversation between the HC now… HER: "But honey, we don’t know them. I don’t want to have strangers at MY wedding! It’s bad enough that your mother thinks we have to invite your aunts and uncles." HIM: "Wait a second, snuggly-bear! If my grandmother was his nanny, that means his family is RICH. Think about the great present he’ll get us." HER: "Oh, well in that case, it’s all right." > We hadn’t bought them a gift yet (even though they *kindly* included a "We’re > the heck they were.  We decided since we did know them (well, sort of) we would > send a gift.

HER: "Look at these beautiful registry cards the store gave me! Do you think we should choose invitations to match, or can we stick with our wedding theme?" HIM: "Just make sure everyone gets one — they’re supposed to help us set up our first home. I’m thinking of cutting Uncle Tim because he never buys off anyone’s registry." HER: "Can’t you tell Uncle Tim just to give cash? If he’s bringing his wife and two kids, $500 would be about right." > Imagine our delight when we found a pre-printed, just-stick-it-in-the-envelope > thank you card in our mailbox.

HER: "These are so sweet and classy, and think of all the time they’ll save me!" HIM: "Right! And that’s more time we can spend unwrapping gifts!" HER: "Just be careful with that silver platter, snookie-wookums. That’s from the store where we’re going to return everything for cash." > Can we all say, "No Class."?

HER: "All these etiquette rules are so restrictive — but thanks to our wedding coordinator, I’m confident that we’ve got everything just perfect!!!" > To continue this tale of the HC’s graciousness, when the guests arrived at the > reception site, they were told to stand in lines according to their last > initial.  *If* they had RSVP’d, their name was checked off a list and they were > allowed to enter.  If they had not replied, they were rudely turned away by the > gestapo, uh, wedding planner and her gaggle of meanies.

HIM: "I can’t believe people had the nerve to show up without gifts. The least they could do was bring a big enough gift to cover the price of their meal." HER: "And the ones who complained about being turned away because they didn’t RSVP — the nerve of it! If your Aunt Thelma complains one more time about how she didn’t get to dance with you at your wedding, I’ll just scream. I told her when the caterer needed the count by, and the wedding coordinator said this was the right way to make sure there weren’t any freeloaders. You just tell your family that, since they didn’t pay for anything, they’re lucky to have been invited at all."

Response:

I think you are correct.  I was told by the person who helped me with my invitations that it was most appropriate to personalize each and every thank you note. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I’m looking at invitations right now, and I noticed that a lot of >companies offer pre-printed thank you notes.  Not only do they say "THANK >YOU" on the outside, they also have a message printed on the inside.  Am I >living in the etiquette dark ages?  I thought that a pre-worded note was >generally considered tasteless. >Erin A. Schuster

Response:

>   I thought that a pre-worded note was > generally considered tasteless. > Ahhhh, but there are a LOT of tasteless things for sale (and maybe just a > FEW  brides buying them) out there.

To make a short story long . . . A couple of months ago I posted that Sweetie Pie and I had received an invitation from a bride and groom (as opposed to being from the bride’s parents).  We did not recognize the name of the bride or groom so it could have been anyone — children of clients or co-workers, neighbors who have since moved, etc. (It’s fairly common for us to receive such invitations.) We figured the only way to identify the Happy Couple was to attend the wedding. Turns out the groom was the grandson of the lady who was my Sweetie Pie’s nanny while he was growing up.  How’s that for trying to pack the church?!  Sweetie Pie is in his 50s, so it had been a while . . .  We met the grandson (aka, the groom) at the nanny’s funeral a couple of years ago. We hadn’t bought them a gift yet (even though they *kindly* included a "We’re the heck they were.  We decided since we did know them (well, sort of) we would send a gift. Imagine our delight when we found a pre-printed, just-stick-it-in-the-envelope thank you card in our mailbox. Can we all say, "No Class."? To continue this tale of the HC’s graciousness, when the guests arrived at the reception site, they were told to stand in lines according to their last initial.  *If* they had RSVP’d, their name was checked off a list and they were allowed to enter.  If they had not replied, they were rudely turned away by the gestapo, uh, wedding planner and her gaggle of meanies.

Response:

>Nothing, save your monogram or your name engraved at the top, is to be >preprinted or pre-anything’d on the note paper.   The words "thank you" are >including in your original penned letter to the donor along with other generous >expressions of gratitude.

Dang, Crane’s is at it again! The samples I received from them the other day (standard wedding marketing packet) included a lovely ecru notecard with "Thank You" in all caps blind embossed on the front. Though I plan to buy plain Crane cards for my Thank Yous (as they can be used for so many other types of correspndence), I thought these looked very nice. The best part: they included an envelope — also blank. One free Crane Thank You card! But maybe I’ll wait for a less etiquette-ally sensitive occasion to use it… M.

Response:

> I’m looking at invitations right now, and I noticed that a lot of > companies offer pre-printed thank you notes.  Not only do they say "THANK > YOU" on the outside, they also have a message printed on the inside.  Am I > living in the etiquette dark ages?  I thought that a pre-worded note was > generally considered tasteless.

YOU are living in the golden age of classical etiquette enlightenment. THEY are living in the ages of darkness and tastelessness. A personal gift requires a personal thank you note. Of course, the preprinted thank-you note is the natural match for the HC who insists that every gift be off the registry and chosen based on the gift-giver’s income or number of family members attending the wedding (no effort, no personalization on either side). Next thing you know, the preprinted thank-you will be directly given by the registry store to the guest, so that the HC doesn’t have to waste their precious time. Wende

Response:

>  a lot of companies offer pre-printed thank you notes.  Not only do they say > "THANK > YOU" on the outside, they also have a message printed on the inside.  Am I > living in the etiquette dark ages?  I thought that a pre-worded note was > generally considered tasteless.

I agree with you that under normal circomstances a preprinted thank you is tacky to say the least. However, when the bride and groom are taking an extended honeymoon and will not have time to write personal thank yous right away, a preprinted one is OK to use for right after the ceremony followed with a personal note when they return from their 3 to 6 months  honeymoon. In your preprinted thank you  be sure your guests realize what you are doing and why. Miriam http://greatbird.com/cia/

Response:

>I’m looking at invitations right now, and I noticed that a lot of >companies offer pre-printed thank you notes.  Not only do they say "THANK >YOU" on the outside, they also have a message printed on the inside.  Am I >living in the etiquette dark ages?  I thought that a pre-worded note was >generally considered tasteless. >Erin A. Schuster            

Consider the source, Erin. While notes that say "Thank you" as a design on the outside, but are blank inside for a personally-written letter, are perfectly acceptable to those no longer living in the dark ages, a preprinted "Dear ____, Thank you for the ______.  Love, _____" card is, in fact, tasteless, and no, this is not a situation where different people may simply have different tastes.  It’s just plain tasteless. However, as long as there are people in this world willing to do tasteless things, there are businesses in this world willing to accommodate them, for a price or for some other advantage.  This should not be news to any of us.  The other common wedding example, of course, is the little cards some stores give you to "put in your invitations to let your guests know where you are registered." Holly

Response:

My grandmother and mother always point out that if you can’t bother to write the words "Thank You" for yourself, you don’t deserve to get anything for which to thank someone.  :-) Deb TX

Response:

> I’m looking at invitations right now, and I noticed that a lot of > companies offer pre-printed thank you notes.  Not only do they say "THANK > YOU" on the outside, they also have a message printed on the inside.  Am I > living in the etiquette dark ages?  I thought that a pre-worded note was > generally considered tasteless. > Erin A. Schuster

Ahhhh, but there are a LOT of tasteless things for sale (and maybe just a FEW  brides buying them) out there. gloria p

Response:

You are not living in the dark ages… the printers are.  You are correct. The most proper "thank you" is a letter (not a card) on your good personal stationary.  Also acceptable is a note card from your personal stationary. Nothing, save your monogram or your name engraved at the top, is to be preprinted or pre-anything’d on the note paper.   The words "thank you" are including in your original penned letter to the donor along with other generous expressions of gratitude. Hope this helps, Noe

Response:

> I’m looking at invitations right now, and I noticed that a lot of > companies offer pre-printed thank you notes.  Not only do they say "THANK > YOU" on the outside, they also have a message printed on the inside.  Am I > living in the etiquette dark ages?  I thought that a pre-worded note was > generally considered tasteless. > Erin A. Schuster

They are tasteless and tacky. Just shows you how the wedding industry tries to make a profit – whether it’s proper or not!

Response:

I’m looking at invitations right now, and I noticed that a lot of companies offer pre-printed thank you notes.  Not only do they say "THANK YOU" on the outside, they also have a message printed on the inside.  Am I living in the etiquette dark ages?  I thought that a pre-worded note was generally considered tasteless. Erin A. Schuster                                  

Response:

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