Wedding Planner

Pre-stamped envelopes

Question:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi, > Here’s another question from the wedding etiquette impaired…would > *not* putting stamps on the reply cards be right up there with, say, > having a cash bar or mentioning gift preferences on invitations.  I have > realized lately that I paid no attention to any of these things in all > the weddings I have attended, been invited to, heard of or… > My mother says "some do, some don’t, I don’t think there’s a hard and > fast rule, but of course, we haven’t had a wedding for 10 years" meaning > one of my sisters that they "hosted".  Quite honestly, I don’t want to > bother simply because the whole deal is already complicated.  The > response cards will go to my mother in Canada where the wedding will > also be.  I am ordering from a Canadian company, they will only ship to > my mother in Canada, who will then have to ship to me (in Florida).  I > will do all the envelopes and whatever else you have to do then send > back to her all the ones to mail to Canadian addresses.  She would then > have to put the Canadian return postage on those.  Then I would have to > put the US postage to Canada on some and mail them.  Then – here’s the > best part – we have a whole other batch going to England, Jamaica, Turks > and Caicos… just how am I going to find out what it costs in those > countries to mail a letter to Canada and then how would I buy said > postage. > Basically, if it’s even marginally acceptable I’d just rather not deal > with it.  What do you think?

I kinda think that the reason for putting stamps on the envelopes is to encourage people to drop them in the mail quickly.  Otherwise they might have to actually go to the post office and buy stamps…such an inconvenience! Debbie(& Ron) June 19, 1998

Response:

This is just a guess from one who hasn’t even started planning yet, but I would think not stamping the envelopes would lead to fewer responses from those who aren’t going to attend the wedding "why should I go to the trouble when I’m not going to be there anyway?" Just a thought.  As another poster said, pre-stamped replies are more likely to get dropped right in the mailbox. All that said, I think it’s perfectly fine not to, I don’t think anyone will be bothered, you just might not get the replies you’d like.

Response:

I don’t think etiquette is the biggest problem with not including stamps on the return envelope.  (BTW, I would find it strange if the envelope was unstamped . . . but that’s just me). I think you’re biggest problem will be a lack of timely response!

Response:

I agree with the postage-conversion rate problem with the Jamaican and other postage, but for all of those postal rates that you DO know (USA and Canada) I would recommend using the correct postage. On the other hand, you would look quite impressive if you took the time to find out what the postal charges are for those countries were and included them as well! That would be the icing on the cake (IMHO). Patrick!

Response:

<snip> > Just a thought.  As another poster said, pre-stamped replies are more likely > to get dropped right in the mailbox. > All that said, I think it’s perfectly fine not to, I don’t think anyone will > be bothered, you just might not get the replies you’d like.

I was told by a person who works at a stationers shop that including reply cards, stamped or not, does not appreciably raise the number of responses one gets. Annoying news, and I’m not sure I believe it, even though this person has much more experience in wedding rsvps than I do. FWIW

Response:

I know many people think that this is basic etiquette… Here is what I think: If people are offended by having to put a little stamp on the return envelope… they can just as well stay home. That’s MY opinion! Personally, I would never, ever be as rude as to talk badly about people who kindly invited me to their wedding, but didn’t pre stamp the return envelope.. It seems ridiculous to me. Just so you know, in many countries it is not even the custom to send response cards. The guests take care of this themselves! What a dream…. I had the same problem as you, sending invites to another country. So I sent them off without the stamp. So if you send yours without, then we will be two…. Hey, perhaps we’ll start a new trend! Elin – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi, > Here’s another question from the wedding etiquette impaired…would > *not* putting stamps on the reply cards be right up there with, say, > having a cash bar or mentioning gift preferences on invitations.  I have > realized lately that I paid no attention to any of these things in all > the weddings I have attended, been invited to, heard of or… > My mother says "some do, some don’t, I don’t think there’s a hard and > fast rule, but of course, we haven’t had a wedding for 10 years" meaning > one of my sisters that they "hosted".  Quite honestly, I don’t want to > bother simply because the whole deal is already complicated.  The > response cards will go to my mother in Canada where the wedding will > also be.  I am ordering from a Canadian company, they will only ship to > my mother in Canada, who will then have to ship to me (in Florida).  I > will do all the envelopes and whatever else you have to do then send > back to her all the ones to mail to Canadian addresses.  She would then > have to put the Canadian return postage on those.  Then I would have to > put the US postage to Canada on some and mail them.  Then – here’s the > best part – we have a whole other batch going to England, Jamaica, Turks > and Caicos… just how am I going to find out what it costs in those > countries to mail a letter to Canada and then how would I buy said > postage. > Basically, if it’s even marginally acceptable I’d just rather not deal > with it.  What do you think? > TIA > Rose – who is probably more aggravated than I should be by this simply > because it is past midnight and I am still at the office doing this > stuff  :(

Response:

In as much as reply cards have become the norm (although still a no-no for serious etiquette sticklers) because people simply do not find it within themselves to respond appropriately to an invitation without being proded, it is incumbent upon you to facilitate the response to its conclusion – and that means putting the stamp on the reply envelope. Hope this helps, Noe —                    *          Sprocket               *                    *                RIP 1/1/98       *

Response:

Hi! This is my personal opinion (through experience)…I disagree with the person that told you it doesn’t make a difference on the the number of replies you receive…I am a wedding planner/coordinator, and in helping couples keep track of the rsvp’s for an almost accurate guest count, I’ve seen it done both ways (each time it’s the couples’ choice) – I have seen more responses (positive & negative) with stamped reply envelopes…without the stamps, I’ve seen more assumptions of who may or may not show and sometimes causing a waste because the couple would rather be prepared to have more available at a reception and the assumed number (say 150 out of 200 invites likely to show) is totally off (say 75 out of 200 actually show)…this is not to say that it is a mandatory thing because postage can add up to another large expense, but I think it’s a case by case thing…you know the type of people you want to share your special day with, you have to look at it in a lot of ways to make that decision…but still, it’s the couples choice on how they want to handle it regardless of the outcome (also, they have to consider their original budget strategy and http://www.freeyellow.com/members/purple-lion/ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ><snip> > Just a thought.  As another poster said, pre-stamped replies are more likely > to get dropped right in the mailbox. > All that said, I think it’s perfectly fine not to, I don’t think anyone will > be bothered, you just might not get the replies you’d like. >I was told by a person who works at a stationers shop that including >reply cards, stamped or not, does not appreciably raise the number of >responses one gets. Annoying news, and I’m not sure I believe it, even >though this person has much more experience in wedding rsvps than I do. >FWIW

Response:

: I had the same problem as you, sending invites to another country. So I sent : them off without the stamp. So if you send yours without, then we will be : two…. Hey, perhaps we’ll start a new trend! We’re going one step further — just putting our phone number and email address below the RSVP line *on* the actual invite.  I’ve always hated those little rsvp cards, and don’t see the point in holding my guests’ hands in such a step-bystep way…. just my opinion, of course.  But, we’ve got a small guest list (less than 70 people) of family and close friends who we (or our parents) normally would be in contact with between the invites and the actual wedding anyway. My fiance hates the little cards with a passion, so we’re just not doing them.  Anyone who objects gets the response that "Many of my father’s diplomatic corps invites just come with an RSVP line and a phone number. We figure we’ll take the lead of the people — the diplomats and their staff — who do this sort of thing regularly." This way, too, my fiance will be the one keeping track of the numbers — I’ll be in the middle of exams and bar admissions courses in a different city when the numbers are collected — and he can deal with it all (under the watchful long-distance eye of my mother, the ‘real’ wedding planner!). –Barbara, marrying Julian, June 19 1999                                                                 Dal Law,                                                                 Class of ‘99

Response:

> Any person who thinks you should fly to Turks & Caicos to get the right > stamps has their head up a part of their anatomy I’d rather not describe > here.  Etiquette "rule" or not.

LOLOL… I really do appreciate all the feedback on this.  I really couldn’t imagine that anyone could expect that I should do this but… I read a lot of stuff lately (like approximately since I started this wedding planning) which is apparently considered acceptable/expected/required or whatever that to me is either just stupid/ridiculous or bizarre.  Of course, were there no such things as budget and time constraints a little jaunt to the Turks and Caicos to buy some postage would be great. Anyway, between all the feedback I got and the fact that a girl in my office (who’s input I consider worthwhile) did not "pre-stamp" I decided that I am not going to bother with it.  Since our wedding is in Canada and I basically know who is planning to travel to it and who is not already (long before invites are going out) I’m not really too concerned about a lower response rate.  I am sure that those going to Saskatchewan will let me know so I can help with hotel etc. arrangements. Really, I think I should just stop reading these etiquette things… Rose

Response:

>> Hi, > Here’s another question from the wedding etiquette impaired…would > *not* putting stamps on the reply cards be right up there with, say, > having a cash bar or mentioning gift preferences on invitations?

I was wondering this too.  Because if I have my own e-mail address by then (not just at work), I think it would be nice to have the response card have instructions to contact me either by e-mail, phone, or by stamping and mailing the response card.  I wouldn’t want to put stamps on all of them if very many people would be contacting me by those other means, but I wouldn’t want to be rude to not stamp them…  A related concern:  If I do offer the other ways of getting ahold of me, will it be too hard for me to keep track of responses?  Is it easier to just have everyone mail cards back to me? — Shawna * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * "Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers * * to be silly."                 –Rose Franken        * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Response:

> …if I have my own e-mail address by then > (not just at work), I think it would be nice to have the response card > have instructions to contact me either by e-mail, phone, or by stamping > and mailing the response card.  I wouldn’t want to put stamps on all of > them if very many people would be contacting me by those other means, but > I wouldn’t want to be rude to not stamp them…  A related concern:  If I > do offer the other ways of getting ahold of me, will it be too hard for me > to keep track of responses?  Is it easier to just have everyone mail cards > back to me?

Here’s what I (Ms. Organizationally Impaired) would try: First, assume you’re going to let responses flood in for a week or two before you start counting them. It will be easier than trying to count as you go. Now… 1.  Make a folder or something to store your mailed response cards. Initially, you can just shove the cards in as they arrive. After you "count" a card, put a big X on it AND put it in a separate folder. 2.  Put a notepad and pen next to your phone/answering machine. Use it ONLY for wedding responses — once you start mixing messages, the mess increases. As it fills, you can rip off pages and shove them into the mail folder. Again, when you "count" a response, X it AND move it to a new folder. 3.  In your e-mail mailbox, set up a folder called Wedding. Move every e-mailed response to this folder as soon as it arrives. Then, you can either print them, put them in the mail folder, and then X and move them when you count them OR… you can do the count at your computer and move each counted response to a new e-mail folder called Wedding Done. The IMMEDIATE move to an e-mail folder prevents you from losing Cousin Mel’s response among 125 messages on other topics — which is what I tend to do with important mail. Based on the fact that I now have bits of wedding ideas all over the bedroom floor (partly thanks to cats), I would strongly advise setting aside ONE spot in your home for all wedding planning stuff so that it doesn’t escape. The minute we get that second bedroom painted, one shelf in the closet goes for this! Wende

Response:

following: >Here’s another question from the wedding etiquette impaired…would >*not* putting stamps on the reply cards <would be tacky, improper, etc>

I can only speak from one experience.  My cousin did not have the envelopes stamped. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with it either way.  It’s all of $0.32 (in the US), so it’s not a big deal, IMHO. Then again, I have a habit of being on the wrong side of the fence on these things (albeit I don’t care) so you may want to take it w/ a grain of salt. later…peace…Jud Note: to send me e-mail, you must include "Hey Jud" w/o quotes somewhere in the body of the message. Sorry, anti-spam filtering.

Response:

Hi, Here’s another question from the wedding etiquette impaired…would *not* putting stamps on the reply cards be right up there with, say, having a cash bar or mentioning gift preferences on invitations.  I have realized lately that I paid no attention to any of these things in all the weddings I have attended, been invited to, heard of or… My mother says "some do, some don’t, I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule, but of course, we haven’t had a wedding for 10 years" meaning one of my sisters that they "hosted".  Quite honestly, I don’t want to bother simply because the whole deal is already complicated.  The response cards will go to my mother in Canada where the wedding will also be.  I am ordering from a Canadian company, they will only ship to my mother in Canada, who will then have to ship to me (in Florida).  I will do all the envelopes and whatever else you have to do then send back to her all the ones to mail to Canadian addresses.  She would then have to put the Canadian return postage on those.  Then I would have to put the US postage to Canada on some and mail them.  Then – here’s the best part – we have a whole other batch going to England, Jamaica, Turks and Caicos… just how am I going to find out what it costs in those countries to mail a letter to Canada and then how would I buy said postage. Basically, if it’s even marginally acceptable I’d just rather not deal with it.  What do you think? TIA Rose – who is probably more aggravated than I should be by this simply because it is past midnight and I am still at the office doing this stuff  :(

Response:

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